The Nefarious Nature of Snow
by Blackdeer7
Summary: Shepard hates snow. "…snowflakes dropping out of the sky like foul demons determined to turn the landscape into the cold, forsaken underworld!" Tali disagrees. A fluffy, seasonal romp. FShep/Tali


The Nefarious Nature of Snow

Lakota Shepard was sitting at her desk doing one of the things she did very well—multi-tasking. She was studying the latest reports on the _Normandy SR-2's_ repairs, listening to news vids hoping to hear some information that hadn't already been reported by the new Shadow Broker, and also wondering what she was going to get Tali for Christmas. Although her lover didn't rally behind the religious implications of the holiday, she did respect its intent, as did Lakota. The day served as reminder that peace and good will toward all were admirable ideals to protect, especially with the Reaper threat looming in the shadows.

Christmas, like a magic blanket wraps itself about an individual in its own unique way and brings with it something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. It may impart a day of frivolity, feasting, or of prayer, but it will always be a day of remembrance—a day in which you think of everything you have ever loved.

Lakota sighed heavily as the doors of the quarters swooshed open and in walked the very individual she was thinking about—the one who shared this serene space with her—Tali'Zorah vas Normandy.

"Tali!" greeted Lakota brightly before turning her attention back to the datapad displaying the reports. "I was just thinking of you. How are repairs going in Engineering?"

"Just fine, Shepard. Although, on a side note, I'd like to draw up some specs on improving the _Normandy's_ coffee machine. I want to add a feature so it produces something quarian and turian friendly."

Amused, Lakota looked up from her report. "Can you look at anything without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun?"

"Commander," explained the engineer, "I see the world as a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys. It's my job to improve them."

"Yes, I remember. But some things aren't meant to be improved. Coating my uniform with Teflon didn't make showering unnecessary."

"It was just a theory, Shepard."

Chuckling to herself, Lakota returned to reading the report in front of her. As she scanned over the projected costs to upgrade Mordin's lab equipment, her vision was obscured by a small, colorful object being placed on the desk—directly in front of the datapad.

The commander furrowed her brows, and then looked at Tali. "What's this?"

"What does it look like?" The quarian's voice had an amused lilt to it.

"It looks like a cup of shaved ice. With red food coloring splashed on it."

"It's your Christmas present."

"You got me ice? As a gift?"

"No, Shepard." Tali had to stifle her laughter. "I think it's time you face your fears. And this," the quarian pointed to the cup of chopped ice, "is one of the things you fear."

"It's a snow cone, Tali." Lakota eyed the ice mound suspiciously. "And unless you've done something dastardly to it, I'm pretty sure I could take it down in a fair fight."

The engineer's hands clasped the commander's shoulders and spun her chair around so they were face to face, so to speak. The mask on the quarian's environmental suit kept their eyes from meeting, but Lakota had seen beneath the mask many times and had her lover's face memorized. "Shepard," began Tali, "what did you tell me when we were on Noveria, traveling up to Peak 15?"

"That the mission probably wasn't going to end well?"

"Not that, Commander," replied Tali. "Something else."

"I remember being hungry…" Lakota's voice tapered off as she thought back to the day that took place over two years prior.

The quarian let out an exasperated sigh. "What did you say about the weather?"

"Oh!" Lakota finally knew what Tali was trying to get her to recall. "I told you that I hated snow."

"Do you remember what you told me…specifically?" prodded the engineer.

"Absolutely," confirmed Lakota. "I told you that snow was the unnecessary freezing of water."

Satisfied that she'd accomplished her goal, Tali straightened her stance, putting her hands on her hips. "Yes, you did." Her voice had finality to it, as though the meaning to this whole line of questioning had just been revealed.

The commander squinted her eyes momentarily and then shifted her gaze from the snow cone to Tali. And then from the snow cone to Tali. Settling back on her lover she said, "Tali, I may hate snow, but that doesn't mean I _fear_ snow."

"I think it does," countered the quarian. "You obviously have a great disdain for it. So much so, that you take a great many precautions to avoid all planets with snowy surfaces. And if we somehow end up on one, then you ask Garrus to wear a vid cam on his head while you stay on the _Normandy_ monitoring the mission."

"Maybe I'm just expanding Garrus' leadership role."

"You asked Garrus because Miranda refused."

"That's hearsay and wildly speculative," said Lakota in a mockingly authoritative tone. "Inconclusive, at best."

"You don't even like ice in your drinks, Shepard! _That's _unusual. Other humans have no problems with ice in their liquids. But _you_," the quarian pointed a finger at her lover, "…you act suspiciously even when you _SEE_ ice. Like it's some sort of horrible plague. Trust me. I've paid attention…"

"Okay, you got me. I hate snow. I hate ice. They are cold. They are wet. They are calculating in their creepy, cold, 'particle-ish' nature. To the point of arrogance!"

Bemused by her lover's rant, Tali scoffed, "Snow and ice are arrogant?"

"Absolutely! A snowflake may seem small and innocent, but look what they can do when they stick together!"

Tali shook her head as she chuckled out loud. "You, Commander," she teased, "have some serious snowflake issues."

"Laugh at me all you want, you 'evil-bequeather-of-snow', but you're in an environmental suit! You wouldn't be laughing if you were stuck in a blizzard with only your skivvies to protect you from the elements."

"Shepard, we both know the likelihood of _that_." Tali moved closer to the chair and sat down on her lover's lap while draping both arms around her neck. "You'd have to be naked along with me… And since you hate snow, I don't see that in either of our futures."

As Lakota wrapped her arms around Tali's waist, she explained her thoughts on colder weather. "Human mythology depicts hell as a fiery pit. I say it's the snow covered plains – a frozen wasteland of white bleakness with snowflakes dropping out of the sky like foul demons determined to turn the landscape into the cold, forsaken underworld itself!"

"Don't you think that's a little dramatic?"

"You want dramatic? Here's dramatic…" Shepard straightened up in the chair, pulling Tali closer to her in the process. Her look became serious, as she started her tale. "Beautiful, fragile snowflakes fall gently from the sky, one by one." She raised her hand in the air, and then slowly let it fall as her fingers wiggled in emulation of snowfall. "They cover everything with lovely elegant whiteness and make it all clean and pretty." Lakota's voice took on a stern quality. "But little do you know, the nefarious little ice particles mock you with their light and fluffy appearance," she paused for effect, "because twenty-four hours later you're trapped by the 1.7 meters of snow on the ground with only a bottle of cognac to keep you company."

"Awww…," said Tali sympathetically. "When did this happen?"

"It didn't. I was being dramatic."

As the commander chuckled, Tali slugged her in the shoulder. Hard.

"Ouch!" Lakota continued to smirk as she rubbed her arm in mock pain. "No need to get hostile."

"You know," commented the engineer, "there are good things about snow."

"Oh, really?" Her interested peeked, Lakota inquired, "And you, a quarian who has spent most of her life on one space craft or another, knows the beneficial qualities of snow?"

"Please, Shepard. I know you were away for a couple of years, but surely you haven't forgotten about the extranet?"

"Well, I have been a bit busy since I got back."

"Yes, you have. With me, as I recall."

"I'm glad I'm memorable."

"Barely, Commander. Just barely." Tali relaxed further into Lakota's embrace. "As I was saying, snow has a lot of rejuvenative qualities. It acts as an insulator for soil, it provides needed moisture to many landscape plants and… it _is _beautiful."

Lakota chortled in disbelief.

"Shepard, really?" questioned Tali. "There's nothing you like about snow?"

"Well," admitted Lakota, "I do like the sound of snow falling. It's very soothing. Peaceful. And if it falls at night, then it almost has a mystical quality."

"I like that snow only falls when it's cold."

Astounded, Lakota repeated, "Cold?"

"Yes, Shepard, cold." Tali turned to Lakota, and then her hand reached up and removed the face shield. Her eyes looked directly into Lakota's, without a barrier, without compromise. "Because then, environmental suit or not, I'd need someone to snuggle with in order to stay warm." Tali finished her statement by leaning in and kissing Lakota with slow, gentle tenacity.

When the quarian pulled away, she refastened the face shield, but her whole demeanor was smiling. She wasn't concerned about contamination, because long before that day a new air purifying system had been installed in the Commander's quarters, which kept environmental pollutants such as dust, airborne microbes, aerosol particles and chemical vapors at a low level. Much like a clean room. It wasn't enough to allow her to walk freely through the room without her suit, but it was enough to allow the occasional kiss without severe aftereffects.

Lakota smiled broadly as she gazed at her lover. "I think I might be persuaded to like the snow and cold."

"And what about ice?" asked Tali innocently.

Lakota pondered the question before donning a mischievous grin. "I think that will require a bit more experimentation."

"Oh really? That sounds fascinating, Shepard." Tali playfully asked, "Is it something I could help you with."

"Definitely."


End file.
